Case Study: Steve's story - Despair to Triumph
“Let me tell you there are better days ahead…” www.sense-ability.co.uk Photo courtesy of Jose Pena @ Unsplash
Introduced by Jane Pendry
A natural born storyteller
Having hit rock bottom, Steve got his life back on track with a few sessions of Solution Focused Hypnotherapy and Rewind Trauma Therapy. He shared his story on Facebook and I loved the way he told it, so I asked him if I could share it with you.
Exhausted and anxious
Steve came to me unable to sleep for weeks, totally exhausted, self-medicating, dealing with anger and hurt, and overwhelmingly anxious.
Just four Sessions
Steve had just four Solution Focused sessions over six weeks which included physical relaxation, gentle guided induction, appropriate hypnotic suggestions, Rewind Trauma Therapy and relevant metaphorical stories. He also learnt some essential breathing techniques to help him stay calm, and listened to a hypnosis recording daily to prime him for our sessions, and to help him sleep better.
The process helped him to rest, recuperate, sleep better and reduced his anxiety. Above all it gave him Hope. After a few short weeks he was able to think clearly again. Once his mind was rested, Steve found the strength to find his own solutions.
Steve’s story is one of the power of the human mind to heal, recover, find new possibilities and a way forward; even in the darkest times.
The power of metaphor
Just these few hourly sessions gave Steve the respite and recuperation he needed to access his powerful solution focused mind.
Hope, resilience and determination
Steve is a natural born storyteller. Steve’s mind was naturally inclined to access meaning within metaphorical stories - about changing perspective, finding strength and hope - at the deepest subconscious level, which helped him find his own solutions.
He tells a story of resilience and recovery to inspire other men suffering from mental health issues to seek help when they need it.
Men at risk of suicide
Men are at significantly higher risk of suicide than women. They tend to reach out for support only when they hit rock bottom; So Steve wants to share these messages with men everywhere.
DO NOT EVER GIVE UP!
Don;t ever think you are not worth it!
Do not give up on your dreams.
Do not ever think there is nothing left!
When Steve contacted me…
When Steve came to see me in October 2020, his long marriage was breaking down. The situation was irretrievable.
When things were tough Steve soldiered on. However overwhelmed he felt, he kept going. But there is only so much a man can take. Life had become complicated and extremely stressful – from personal injury, through the break-up of his marriage, and the challenges of maintaining relationships with his children.
Steve was now facing a very uncertain future.
Even oaks can break
Even the strongest oak can break and eventually Steve sought help.
Steve only saw me - Jane Pendry, a Solution Focused Hypnotherapist and Trauma Therapist - a handful of times, but kindly credits me with helping him recovering from trauma. He needed to address to rest and recuperate, to sort his sleep routine and resolve traumas in his recent past. Amazingly, it didn’t take him long to change his mind-set and to find his own healthier solutions to move his life forward again.
“Let me tell you, there are better days ahead. You may have survived the worst days of your life so far and you are going to survive many more. You know why? Because each one of you are truly amazing. You are inspirations. You are beams of light in the darkness. You are the bright star in a dark night sky. So go shine and shine like you never shined before. ”
My Sense-Ability Solution Focused approach aims to give people back personal agency – control over their decisions and actions. It’s an approach that suited Steve very well.
Today, Steve is a trained mental health advocate, supported by his enlightened employer. He has a new flat and enjoys his job again. He has a good relationship with his children and is back to his best self - positive, happy and forward looking.
Steve’s Story - in his own words
Find yourself and you find the key to true happiness. My name is Steve. I’m 42 years old and have three beautiful children. Two boys and now only one girl.
That’s what parents do
Now I hear you ask yourself, why did he word it like that?
That’s because I did have two girls and one boy. My oldest child came out about 8 months ago that "he" is now identifying as a male. So you could say I lost a daughter, but I also gained a son. But that to me was the most inspiring, bravest thing I have seen any of my children do. He was 17 years old and I never thought I could love my children anymore than I already do. How wrong was I? Because that must have been the most difficult thing to deal with. So I hold great respect and love for him. And I will fully support him through his transition. He knows I will hold him up and be his strength, because that’s what parents do.
My soul mate. My all. My everything.
Now let me tell you a little more about my story.
“This tiny little innocent bundle of joy… changed my whole life.” www.sense-ability.co.uk Photo (c) Derek Thomson @ Unsplash
I was with my children’s mum for 25 years. We were childhood sweethearts. Love’s perfect dream for a long time. Nobody came close to what we had. They could never match what we had. Now, we had our ups and downs, being young; but we never fell apart like most young couples. We just seemed to stick and work at things. It was amazing. I had found my soul mate; my person; my all; my everything.
Then in May 2003, my first child arrived into this world. She was amazing. This tiny little innocent bundle of joy. And it changed my whole life. You could say she saved my life because the path I was heading for was either prison or the grave!
The reason I was in such a way at that point in my life was due to my extremely hard upbringing. I had two younger brothers to look after as a child, and if I didn’t, then I’d receive a beating from my step-father.
A violent childhood
“My step father swung his hands at me one night and through my rigorous training, I was able to skip around him like he was nothing, which at the time empowered me. I had beaten him without lifting a hand, which is when I met my kids’ mum.”
Now my stepfather was a boxer with a violent past.
My stepfather was well known in parts of Ireland and had a reputation for being a ferocious fighter. The results of that mentality were a regular occurrence in my household. I’d receive beatings on a regular daily basis, and hear the most vile things comes from his mouth.
My younger brothers were my step-brothers. Only my youngest sibling was his "blood" so I had to take beatings while I sat on the outside of the family circle.
It was a hard, hard upbringing to say the least.
At the age of 8 I took up boxing myself. By the age of 16 I was quiet handy which resulted in a confrontation with my stepfather at 17. My stepfather swung his hands at me one night. Through my rigorous training, I was able to skip around him like he was nothing, which at the time empowered me. I had beaten him without lifting a hand, which is when I met my kids’ mum.
Steve Picks up his Life Again
My childhood was rough but at the same time very normal to me. It wasn’t until I reached my early 20's that I realised it was far from normal. I had suffered a traumatic childhood and suffered a breakdown. And yes, I tried to end my life at that point because of the trauma.
Fortunately, I survived to see my first child born, so I decided to really pick myself up. I had left school with a chef’s qualification and now I was cooking for a living. You could say, I took my career to new heights for my family. I wrote numerous food guides and received many compliments. I was giving my family things I never had. Love was one of them.
When my first child reached about 18 months, I did absolutely everything for her, due to her mum having post-natal depression. I didn’t understand why her mum didn’t want to know her. She was perfect. Just perfect.
A Devastating Revelation
But low and behold!
I was to find out, when my daughter was 18 months old, my love of my life, my all, my everything, revealed that she was not my child. This blew me apart. Not just on a mental level. It destroyed me emotionally and in ways I never thought possible. I spent three months trying to decide what to do. I had established an unbreakable bond with my child because I spent every waking moment with her, even while her mum rejected her... so here’s what I did.
Finding a Family Home
I stepped up and found us a family home.
I turned up on their doorstep one day and handed my partner a key and told her I’d be there on Monday night. I told her that if she wanted to start a family life with me, I would step up and carry on loving them as I had done for the previous 18 months. From that Monday we started building up a beautiful home life filled with all the joys and love any child would need in life. Before long, we had three fantastic children and a home to die for. Again people looked at us with envy. We had it all: nice house; nice car; good job. And a love nobody could deny.
We had all this and more.
Normal Ups and Downs
Believe me, life was amazing.
Of course we had ups and downs; but more ups than downs. My life was complete.
Until about 7 years ago.
Then, my person, my love, my all and everything, decided she no longer loved me and wanted me to leave. So I left, absolutely heartbroken. I spent months walking the streets while she started a relationship with someone else.
My children lived in the home I had worked so hard to build up. Now while this was going on, I somehow found the strength to walk the streets and find a job. I actually managed to hold a job down while living on the street. Eventually, I was taken in by a friend. I spent many, many months trying to self medicate with various street drugs. To say the least, it was messy. I found myself in a bad way! I wasn’t able to function well and I was a shadow of my former self.
I was broken again. I was a mess. I was not in a good place.
Self-Medicating to Survive
I continued to self medicate until I again tried to take my life (failed attempt) ...
After a while getting myself back together, my kid’s mum decided that she wanted me back. It was after her affair went south. After my traumatic ordeal, I was just happy to be in my family home again so I managed to create peace between all parties and carried on from where we had left off.
Over a few months things were breaking down between us again. I spent 5 years being thrown out and brought back in; thrown out and brought back in. While all this was going on, I lost the relationship with my children. I was being put through emotions and hardships all over again on a weekly basis; spending nights on park benches and other places. It was horrendous.
During all this, I also fell out with my family on many occasions, leaving me alone and unwelcome in the world again. A feeling I was all too used to.
Finding Jane at Sense-Ability
In 2020 I finally decided to reach out for help.
That was when I met Jane Pendry at Sense-Ability Hypnotherapy & Coaching and decided I wanted to try her therapies. Jane’s Solution Focused Hypnotherapy and Rewind Trauma Therapy helped me massively; helped me relax and stop so I could think about what I was doing.
“Let me tell you, there are better days ahead. You may have survived the worst days of your life so far and you are going to survive many more. You know why? Because each one of you are truly amazing. You are inspirations. You are beams of light in the darkness. You are the bright star in a dark night sky. So go shine and shine like you never shined before. ”
Consequently I made some life changing decisions.
I had given up many things and sacrificed a lot but I was about to embark on a journey of self discovery and inspiration! Although I had given everything up for my ex partner - my job, my friends, my family ... my whole self - I felt as if my wife had stripped me of myself! I was lost.
“So what did I do?” I hear you ask .... Well that’s the beautiful thing ...
I TOOK BACK CONTROL
I took back everything I had lost.
I gave up my medication.
I stopped using street drugs.
I went back to my family and made my apologies.
I then went back to work.
I found myself again.
It wasn’t easy but I kept pushing and pushing myself through the darkest days. I never gave up on myself.
Now I have my oldest child living with me. I have my other two 80% of the time. I’m in the best job. I have my own place. I have my friends and family around me.
Even on those rainy days, I still see sunshine.
So I guess my point is…
DO NOT EVER GIVE UP !
DON’T EVER THINK YOU’RE NOT WORTH IT!
DO NOT GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAMS!
DO NOT EVER THINK THERE IS NOTHING LEFT!
Never give up.. Sense-Ability.co.uk Photo (c) Dan Myers @ Usplash
Let me tell you, there are better days ahead.
You may have survived the worst days of your life so far; and you are going to survive many more. You know why? Because each one of you are truly amazing. You are inspirations. You are beams of light in the darkness. You are the bright star in a dark night sky.
So go shine and shine like you never shined before.
If I can do it, so can you.
Remember there is always someone in this world that will need you and love you and respect you for who you are ...
And that person is YOU!!
Find yourself and you find the key to true happiness.
Jane’s Reflections
When Steve came to me, he was feeling desperate and was very much at rock bottom.
It didn’t take many sessions before he recognized again his own extraordinary inner strengths and resources, and was able to imagine a better future and to find the solutions and new possibilities that would get him to create and manifest a better life.
Sense-Ability Rewind Trauma Therapy and Solution Focused Hypnotherapy helped him get his life back on track in a matter of a few short weeks.
Steve embodies how Solution Focused therapies work. They give you back control over your thinking, your actions and your reactions. Solution Focused conversations give you the framework to explore and develop new and better possibilities. Rewind Trauma Therapy dissolves all the powerful emotions associated with past traumas - rage and anger, fear and anxiety.
For all those men who have hit rock bottom, you can find way your way out: …
There is hope: You do have the solutions within you; you do have the strength within you; you can make the changes you want.
Reading Steve’s story might be all the inspiration you need, but if you think I can help you, do get in touch for an informal chat.
NB: Photos are from Unsplash to illustrate this case study and not of Steve or members of his family.
Jane Pendry
BA Hons (London), PGCE (Cantab), DSFH, HPD, AfSFH, ABNLP, ABH, CNCH, IARTT
Sense-Ability Hypnotherapy & Coaching
jane@sense-ability.co.uk
07843 813883
www.sense-ability.co.uk
Wheatley, Oxford, United Kingdom Online across the U.K. and Europe